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The Freak Brothers

Freaky Comix

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I didn't get rich by signing checks.

Last night's "Itchy and Scratchy Show" was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world. You don't win friends with salad.

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2.

Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to myself. I'm drunk.

Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I work, I work. I've done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?

  1. Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
  2. Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
  3. I prefer a vehicle that doesn't hurt Mother Earth. It's a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.

The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…

But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You're from two different worlds… Oh, I've wasted my life. Please do not offer my god a peanut. No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.

  • I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
  • Thank you, steal again.
  • I stand by my racial slur.